More Favorite Movie Quotes June 6, 2008

Lois: “How would you like me to make your life a living hell?”  Ace: “Well, I’m not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thanks for asking.”  – Jim Carrey, as Ace Ventura, in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

“Remember: wherever you go, there you are.”  – Peter Weller, as Dr. Buckaroo Bonzai, in Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension.

Woman in line: “How do you write women so well?”  Melvin: “I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability.”  – Jack Nicholson, as Melvin in As Good As It Gets.  (I’m looking really sexist with these quotes, huh?)

“On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everybody drops to zero.”  – Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in Fight Club.

Sandy McReedy: “I want you to kill all the gophers on the course.”  Carl Spackler: “Correct me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.”  Sandy McReedy: “Gophers!  You great git!  Not golfers!  The little furry brown rodents!”  Carl Spackler: “We can do that.  We don’t even have to have a reason.”  – Bill Murray as Carl Spackler, in Caddyshack.

“Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his a**, in two weeks you’d have a diamond.”  – Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller, in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

“Back off, man.  I’m a scientist.”  – Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, in Ghostbusters.

“The doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place, where my seed could find no purchase.”  – Nicolas Cage as H.I., in Raising Arizona.

Movie Quotes June 4, 2008

Summer just suggested that I write a post on movie quotes.  I think it’s that she’s upset with me over the whole Obama thing, and she just wants some common ground.

As I am nothing if not a seeker of common ground, especially with the lovely and strong-willed Summer, I present:

Some of Matt’s Favorite Movie Quotes!!

“Surely you can’t be serious?”  “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”  – Leslie Nielsen, in Airplane!

“Remember you’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably more than she ever did.” – Groucho Marx in Duck Soup.

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room.” – Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley, in Dr Strangelove

“So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald…striking…  So we finish the 18th, and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?’ And he says, ‘Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.’ So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”  – Bill Murray as groundskeeper Carl Spackler, in Caddyshack

“You can’t really dust for vomit.”  – Christopher Guest as Nigel Tufnel in This is Spinal Tap, on the difficulty of determining whose vomit the band’s drummer choked on when he died.

“My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds—pretty standard, really.” – Mike Myers, as Dr. Evil speaking to his therapy group, in Austin Powers.

“I’m a man, who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.”  – Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, in Anchorman.

“I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.”  – Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, in Anchorman.

“I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do.  A straight shot.  Right to the babymaker.”  – Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, in Anchorman.

(Thug, holding up bowling ball…) “What is this?”  “Obviously, you’re not a golfer.”  – Jeff Bridges, as The Dude, in The Big Lebowski.

“Nihilists!  I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.”  – John Goodman as Walter Sobchak, in The Big Lebowski.

That should be plenty for now…